Disabled...the dreaded word.

Last spring I found myself in a place I thought I had left far behind...specifically, I felt as though I had just been released from the hospital, sent off by the doctors with a handshake and a pat on the back, and not an idea in my head.

Our family business, in it's sixtieth year...the one I had been able to learn gradually, with no pressure, and had done well at...had closed.  Now, how would I find a job?  I had a family to feed and a mortgage.  My life had become very normal over the last thrity years, and these things were shocks to my system.  I fell into two jobs, but found it hard to learn them and follow directions the way I needed to...I was let go from both.  With all this going on, the only thing I could think of doing was going to see my neurlogist.  When I saw her everything that seemed to be happening at once, and which I was unable to explain, came together.  Now I understood.

I had spent nearly thirty years behaving as if everything was ok.  Sure, there were things that were a bit of a problem...like reading certain books or following conversations, but essentially, I lived as though there was nothing I couldn't do.  I pushed forward on everything, bent over, as if continually walking into a headwind.  This was the only was I knew how to survive.  But now things had changed.  I was almost 50 years old.  My accident was a long time ago...but I saw that it never goes away.

The big lesson for me was that I was going to have to accept my disability in order to move forward.  Accepting it was hard.  I hated being referred to as "disabled".  I had spent 30 years trying not to be disabled.This was a label I didn't like at all, but I saw that I was going to have to start over from the beginning just as though I had left the hospital yesterday.  I couldn't let my pride get in the way.

Even as I tried to accept this new status, there were others who couldn't.  I saw I needed a plan.  I needed to move forward on certain fronts so that I just didn't whither away.

My brother told me about the Jewish Vocartional Services, a job placement organization.  Through them I hoped to look for work I could do.  I also decided to apply for disability.  Those were the first two seeds I planted.  I knew that once I planted the seeds they would grow, but I also knew I wouldn't know exactly what was going to sprout out  of the ground.

My role in the family business had become that of almost what could be called a sales facilitator...making connections and putting people in the right places for the company to succeed.  I had a team of people working with me, and to be successful in this new pursuit, I would need another team...a lawyer for my disability case, people to advise me on work...etc.  However, the important thing was to put stakes down and start.

Until I did that, I was dead in the water.  (to be continued)

Comments

[Craig J. Phillips MRC, BA]

Hi Friend,
I can empathize with your situation. In the last week I have completed a 4 part series, My Struggle living with an Invisible Disability.

My name is Craig J. Phillips and I am a traumatic brain injury survivor as well as a master’s level rehabilitation counselor. Through out my lifetime, I have taught myself how to overcome many insurmountable odds. These strategies have helped me to prosper and succeed. On February 6, 2007, I decided to start a blog at http://secondchancetolive.wordpress.com/ Second Chance to Live presents topics that motivate encourage and empower the reader. As a tbi survivor, I can speak from my experience, strength and hope. As a professional, I provide information to encourage, motivate and empower both disabled and non-disabled individuals. Our circumstances are not meant to keep us down, but to build us up. Second Chance to Live empowers the readers to live life on life's terms.

On the night of August 11, 1967 my dad, mom, brother and myself were in an automobile accident that forever changed our lives. Per my injuries, when the Cadillac hit our Volkswagen Beetle I was catapulted from the back seat. In the process of being thrown forward I fractured my left femur (thigh bone) on my dad’s bucket seat and then made direct contact with the inside of the windshield. Consequently, I sustained an open skull fracture. I remained in a coma for 3 weeks and in traction to set my left femur for 1 month. When my skull sustained the fracture at the time of the accident my right frontal lobe (location of the brain that controls executive center function) absorbed the initial brunt of the contact where my skull was fractured.

At the time of the accident I also sustained a severe brain contusion as my brain was jostled about inside my skull. According to the medical personal at the time of the accident, my brain stem (attention, arousal, and consciousness, as well as being the gateway of brain function for the body) was damaged. Because neurological rehabilitation was not available in 1967 I had to re-teach myself how to walk, talk, read, write and speak in complete sentences. In follow-up to my brain and skull surgery I underwent a series of cognitive and psychosocial tests. The results from these tests indicated that I would not be able to succeed beyond high school. Despite the data and scientific findings/predictions, I was able to obtain both my undergraduate and graduate degrees. If you are interested in an in depth view of my process, please read my post, My Journey thus Far.

On February 6, 2007, at the encouragement of a friend I created Second Chance to Live to share my experience, strength and hope. Due to the invisible nature of my disability, I had to develop strategies to succeed despite the injury to my brain. The information presented in Second Chance to Live has empowered me to achieve far beyond all reasonable expectations. Second Chance to Live expounds upon these principles and strategies. The applications offered through out Second Chance to Live provide practical solutions for finding and then living our destinies. Second Chance to Live is also designed to instill hope, give comfort and provide a motivation to succeed regardless of how life may look. Please read my page, Motivation.

The principles embodied through out Second Chance to Live provide practical solutions for living life on life’s terms. Second Chance to Live also presents topics in such a way to encourage, motivate and empower the reader to live life with zest and purpose. Our circumstances are not meant to keep us down, but to build us up!

Thank you for visiting http://secondchancetolive.wordpress.com

Have a simply phenomenal day!

Craig J. Phillips MRC, BA
Second Chance to Live

Our circumstances are not meant to keep us down, but to build us up.

[Jerry]

Hello,

The fact is currently the medical establishment does not understand much about the brain. We, as a society, know very well how to cover up the problem with medications and insuring that the individual will not recover. To me the idea is bogus!

I have recovered from a Severe Traumatic Brain Injury and I know how to replicate the results with 100% effectiveness. No two brain injuries are the same but it is also true that no two fractures of a bone are the same either but we know how to heal a broken bone and I know how to recover (from first hand experience) from brain injuries. Ironically enough I’ve never broken a bone!

My name is Jerry and I was recently reprimanded at my job. I worked for a non profit organization in founded to help people with brain injuries, when they got word that I was telling people that it was very possible to recover from brain injuries I was approached by two corporate managers about how it was impossible to recover from brain injuries and they politely asked me to not speak of these “Lies”.

I complied until one of the corporate managers told me that it was the Brain Injury Association of this state that filed a formal complaint with the director of the company when they heard that I was saying I knew how to help people actually recover. At that point I became OUTRAGED! I understood that the hospitals might not endorse the “No Brainer Recover Method” but I was under the impression that the Brain Injury Association of any state would be in support of promoting the recovery of Neural Trauma.

I have worked with some of the top minds in the field and we all agree that we should still get some more knowledge and backing in order to allow “No Brainer Productions” to get to the place in must be to reach the people that need the educations. It will take at least $15,000 to get this ship off the ground so I would like to know HOW DOES IT FEEL TO BE A PART OF HISTORY? We are ready to invest the money on the 22 of July.

Any suggestion, referrals, ideas, or DONATIONS will be GREATLY appreciated!

[ResilientHeart]

Hi ~ Reading your posts I relate to so many things you have experienced. It took me a very, very long time before I could accept I have a disability. I kept saying out loud to myself, "I have a disability, I have a disability, I have a disability." Yet the tone was still one of disbelief. As they teach us in support group at rehab, acceptance is an ongoing process. Wishing you nothing but God's best.
Blessings,
RH